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Wolverine vs. Eren Jaeger
Description “Marvel versus Attack on Titan! Which angry, blade-swinging regenerator will claim victory?” Introduction Spider: The human body’s ability to repair itself is miraculous, but for some individuals, this process is accelerated to the point that they become almost impossible to kill. Pixie: Add a pair of blades, a raging temper and unstoppable determination, and you’ve got a recipe for a badass. Like Wolverine, also called Weapon X. Spider: Or Eren Jaeger, the Rogue Titan. I’m Spider. Pixie: And I’m Pixie! Spider: And it’s our job to analyze their power, abilities and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. Wolverine Pixie: Wolverine was born as— Deadpool: Oh come ON! You covered that jerk’s analysis two stinking battles ago! You don’t think people know who Wolverine is by now? He’s only been in every comic ever. Spider: …How did you get in here? Deadpool: The real question here is, why the hell would you pick Wolverine to fight Eren instead of me? Jaeger’s a regenerator, I’m a regenerator. Jaeger dual-wields swords, I dual-wield swords. He got experimented on by his father, I got experimented on by a bunch of lab-geeks. Heck, we even both get accused of ripping off Spider-man! Spider: Yes, but Wolverine is far more similar to Eren in demeanor, and both gain strength from rage, which you don’t. Deadpool: Oh, so I’m not emo enough to fight Eren? I can be brooding, really! Look… MY PARENTS ARE DEEEEEEEAAAAAAD! Pixie: You’re seriously not satisfied with the fact that you’re one of the only combatants who’s being given a second official Death Battle? Spider: You need to leave now. You’re holding up the show. Deadpool: I’m just saying, you should give the people what they want: me! shoots Deadpool with her teleportation gun. An instant later, Deadpool falls out of the sky and lands in the middle of the Australian outback with a thud. Deadpool: Fine! I’ll make my own Death Battle. With blackjack, and hookers! In fact, forget the Death Battle and the blackjack! from X-Men Origins: Wolverine plays. Stryker: You were sentenced to death for decapitating a senior officer. The warden tells me that your sentence was carried out by a firing squad at 1000 hours. How’d that go? Wolverine: It tickled. Eren Spider: Eren grew up behind Wall Maria, one of three massive bulkheads built to protect humanity from the unstoppable man-eating giants known as Titans. Around him, people had grown complacent and relaxed. Even the Scouts, the military officers whose sworn duty was to protect humanity from the Titans, were certain the Titans would never be able to breach the wall. Pixie: Spoiler alert. The titans breached the'' fuck'' out of that wall, and proceeded to munch on most of the residents of the Shigashina District, including Eren’s mother. Eren and the rest of the survivors retreated behind the second wall, and Eren swore to join the Scouts and kill every last Titan on Earth. Spider: While Eren faced some struggles during boot-camp, his determination was above and beyond what the other recruits showed. Eren and his childhood friend Mikasa became two of the most promising trainees the Scouts had seen— Pixie: And then Eren got eaten by a Titan on his first mission. The end. Spider: Eherm… Pixie: …is what I would say, if Eren’s father hadn’t secretly performed an experiment on him, giving him the power to transform into the towering behemoth the Scouts dubbed, the Rogue Titan. Eren used his Titan powers to explode out of the Titan that ate him and get some much-needed vengeance. Spider: In his human form, Eren wields a pair of paring blades. These weapons are designed to carve through Titan-flesh, and function much like a pair of over-sized box-cutters, with a line of blades set to replace each other as they break from the force of combat. Pixie: He’s also got his Omni-directional gear, which allows him to handily maneuver through the city by propelling him like a jet-pack or launching grappling cables for him to swing from. Jaeger-man, Jaeger-man, does whatever a Jaeger can! Spider: While Eren’s combat prowess in his human form is nothing to trifle with, his power as the Rogue Titan utterly dwarfs his human abilities. In this form, he is strong enough to lift boulders larger than himself and decapitate Titans his own size with a single punch. He also retains his knowledge of close-quarters combat, making him far more skilled and dangerous than the average Titan. Pixie: Like all the Titans, Eren has a powerful regenerative ability that lets him shrug off injuries in seconds, making him extremely hard to kill. Spider: Eren has killed dozens of Titans single-handed, and even defeated the Female Titan, an intelligent, shape-shifting Titan that had previously killed dozens of elite Scouts with ease. Pixie: Of course, if Eren was perfect, the Titans wouldn’t really be a problem anymore. Spider: Right. In human form, Eren has a limited supply of blades, as well as a limited supply of fuel for his OMD gear. Pixie: And as every Scout knows, running out of blades and fuel in the middle of combat is pretty much a death-sentence. Spider: Eren’s ability to shift into a Titan gives him something to fall back on, but his control over his transformations is marginal. Eren cannot shift unless he has a specific goal in mind and is experiencing physical pain. Even then, he can be held back from shifting by sufficient emotional turmoil, as we saw when he was unable to transform and fight his former ally, Annie. Pixie: Even if he gets his transformation to work, Eren doesn’t always have complete control of his Titan instincts, as demonstrated the time he nearly smashed Mikasa into heroic salsa. Also, while he can regenerate, it takes a while, and like all Titans, he can still be killed by a sufficient blow to the back of the neck. Spider: Eren’s greatest weakness, however is also his greatest strength: his reckless abandon in combat. Pixie: Eren’s aggression in facing the Titans is… kinda scary, actually. He seriously doesn’t give a tenth of a shit how badly he gets hurt as long as he can keep killing. Heck, in his Titan form, he actually throws punches so hard he breaks his own hands, ’cause who gives a shit about getting hurt when you can heal? Spider: Scary is right, Pixie. Eren may be the most terrifying foe the Titans have ever faced. from Attack on Titan. Eren: Fight! Fight! FIIIGHT! DEATH BATTLE! Spider: Alright, our combatants are set. It’s time to end this debate once and for all. Pixie: It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE! * * * Wolverine is climbing Wall Rose, his claws digging cleanly into the stone as he pulls himself closer to the top. Cyclops’ voice buzzes in his ear-piece. “Wolverine, have you entered the city yet? “I’m workin’ on it,” Wolverine growls back into the communicator as he climbs. “Honestly, I think I coulda’ found this mutant we’re looking for a lot faster if you’d dropped me off on the other side of this stinkin’ wall.” “Not an option. We need you to keep a low profile on this mission. A single body will be far harder for the city to detect than a large air-craft.” Wolverine reaches the top of the wall. “Welp, I’m in the city. Who am I looking for again?” “Xavier says the subject is a teenage girl, blonde, probably wearing a military uniform.” Wolverine sighs. “Why is it I keep getting sent to track down teenage girls, again? If this keeps up, I’m gonna get a bad reputation.” “Would you prefer I sent Jean on the next mission?” Before Wolverine can answer, a pair of grappling cables embeds into the wall at his feet. The cables retract, and Eren Jaeger comes screaming down at him, blades drawn. Wolverine pops his claws just in time to parry Eren’s strike, and Eren lands on the wall beside him. “Who are you?” Eren demands. “Why are you breaking into our city!?” Wolverine raises his claws. “I ain’t got a problem with you, or your city,” he growls. “How about we keep it that way?” Eren brandishes his blades. “You’re not fooling me. Those claws… there’s no way you’re a human. You’re another one of those humanoid Titans, aren’t you!?” “I don’t have time for this!” Wolverine shouts. “Get the hell out of my way before I cut you down.” Eren’s eyes narrow. “No. I promised to wipe every last Titan off the face of the Earth, and that’s a promise I intend to keep.” FIGHT! ' '''Eren charges, his blades extended. He swings at Wolverine’s throat with both blades, but Wolverine parries the blades upwards, then stabs at Eren’s chest. Eren evades the blow with a quick burst of gas from his OMD gear, spins through the air and slices Wolverine’s back, but the tip of his blade breaks against Wolverine’s adamantium rib-cage. Wolverine grunts as the blade bites into him, and turns back towards Eren as the wound begins to close. Wolverine rushes him and swings his claw at Eren’s abdomen, but Eren flips backwards, evading the slice. As Wolverine moves for a double back-hand strike, Eren lands and raises his blades to block the attack, but Wolverine’s claws cut clean through Eren’s blades, shattering them. Eren stares at his blades in shock, and Wolverine round-kicks him in the ribs, knocking him off the wall and into the city. Eren plummets towards the ground, but fires a cable into the wall on his right. He begins to run diagonally across the side of the wall, towards the ground. Wolverine dives from the top of the wall towards Eren. When Eren is roughly ten feet from the ground, Wolverine slices through his cable, and Eren falls, crashes into the ground and tumbles, breaking his arm and several of his ribs. Wolverine drags his claws against the wall to slow his descent until he reaches the ground. “Ready to quit, Pint Size?” Eren stands gritting his teeth, his broken arm hanging limp at his side. “Never. For my city… for my friends… for humanity… I will DESTROY YOU!” Eren bites into his thumb, and an explosion of wind emanates from his body, sending Wolverine flying like a rag-doll. The Rogue Titan appears, towering over the X-man, and lets out an enraged roar. Wolverine rises to his feet. “Funny how Summers forgot to mention a ''second mutant in the city.” Wolverine runs towards Eren in a serpentine pattern. Eren throws a punch at Wolverine, who dodges, but the force of Eren’s fist hitting the ground sends Wolverine flying like a bomb’s explosion. Before he can regain his footing, Eren slams him with his fist down on Wolverine, embedding him in the ground. Eren unleashes punch after punch, driving Wolverine into the ground until the flesh begins to tear from Eren’s fists, and his steaming blood, falls in drops on the city’s street. He draws back his fists from the steaming crater he’s formed, where Wolverine lies twitching and bloodied, trying to pull himself loose. Before Wolverine can free himself, Eren’s foot looms over him. Eren stomps on Wolverine, then raises his foot and stomp on him again and again. Satisfied, the Rogue Titan bellows out another roar, turns and walks away. As Eren’s thunderous foot-steps trail off, the damage to Wolverine’s body begins to heal. Cuts close and muscles pop back into their rightful position, and after a few seconds, Wolverine drags himself out of the crater, scowling, and sets his sights on Eren. He runs quietly along the edges of the buildings, keeping out of Eren’s line of sight. When he’s almost caught up to Eren, Wolverine climbs up the side of a building, dashes across the roof and leaps off, his claws extended, and stabs into Eren’s back. Eren roars and reaches backwards, trying to rip Wolverine off, but Wolverine swiftly climbs his back, inflicting multiple punctures, and stabs his claws into the back of Eren’s neck. Eren goes still for a moment, and Wolverine swings his claws outwards, slicing open a massive gash in Eren’s neck. Wolverine rides the Rogue Titan’s body to the ground as it falls, gushing a river of blood. K.O! As Wolverine climbs off the Rogue Titan’s body, he hears Cyclops’s voice buzz in his ear again. “''That was your idea of keeping a low profile!?” “Shit happens, Summers. Next time try dropping me off on the other side of the wall so I don’t have to deal with the border patrol.” He walks off to continue searching for the unknown blonde mutant. Post-Battle Analysis Pixie: Dang, that was a lot of blood. Spider: In his human form, Eren’s OMD gear gave him a mobility advantage, and in his Titan form, his strength utterly eclipsed Wolverine’s, but that wasn’t enough to make up for the fact that Wolverine had the advantage in virtually every other category. His durability, perception, reflexes, fighting skill, experience, cutting power and tactical intelligence were all leagues ahead of Eren’s, and his raw will-power and determination was easily equal to Eren’s. Pixie: Eren’s paring blades were nowhere near enough to cut adamantium, since they get worn down just cutting Titan flesh, so there wasn’t a lot he could do to Wolverine in human form, anyways. Spider: For reference, a Titan’s flesh can be penetrated by mundane cannon-fire, while adamantium can withstand a nuclear explosion unscratched. Pixie: Going Rogue Titan wasn’t enough, either. Wolverine’s skeleton has held up to hits from people ''way stronger than the Rogue Titan, so Eren’s strength didn’t actually do him a lot of good. While he could certainly hurt Wolverine, he didn’t really have a way to kill him, and unlike Eren, Wolverine didn’t have a convenient weak-spot on the back of the neck. Spider: While Wolverine didn’t actually have the prior knowledge that the back of the neck was Erens’ weak-point, he’s experience enough with killing to know that severing the spinal cord is almost always fatal, so chances were good that he’d try attacking that part at some point. Since Eren didn’t have a method of putting Wolverine down for good, the question became not if Wolverine would kill Eren, but when. Once Wolverine’s stealth and tactics put him in position to land the final blow, the fight was as good as over. Pixie: Eren suffered a Titanic defeat. Spider: The winner is Wolverine. Category:What-If? 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